Unavoidable questions.

I’m beginning to realise (well, okay, maybe not beginning) that every time I finish some project, I end up asking the same few questions. Sure, they’ve evolved a bit, transformed a bit, but I’ve still been asking myself the same things in essence each time.

• Is it any good?

Probably the most obvious question anyone can ask. The trick here is that it isn’t usually accompanied by the most obvious answer. It’s certainly tends to be less good than you would want it to be, but how far is it from that standard that you hold for yourself? More importantly, perhaps, how do you measure stuff like this?

• Did I accomplish what I wanted to accomplish?

This time, I’m not very sure, primarily because this project hasn’t been as straightforward as I thought it would be. This is probably the most immediate question whenever I get done with anything, and in this case, it can only be answered when I take a second look at it.

• What exactly did I accomplish anyway?

Assuming, of course, that I accomplished anything in the first place. The icky bit about this question is that I don’t like to deal so much with the grand ambition of this or that, but rather the act of writing itself. You shouldn’t let your designs control you, in a way. So it’s not exactly phrased very well. I think a better question would be what I’ve managed to say with what I’ve written.

That applies for the previous question too. Have I said what I wanted to say?

• Is it frivolous?

This question has been popping up with increasing frequency. There is a narrow margin of difference between the absurd and the frivolous. I have not managed this line very well.

• Who would want to read this?

Often, I have no idea. I’m not sure if it actually matters to answer this.

• Why isn’t it the same as what I saw in my head?

Oh. It’s usually easy to answer this. The main reason, I think, is that ideas and images occur to you in a flash (in a manner of speaking), whereas writing takes ages in comparison. There’s also the small problem that I don’t write as well as my imagination would want me to. And so on.

• What’s the difference?

That is, did it change for an appreciably justified reason? Or did it just change because I didn’t manage to live up to the promise?

In the end, most of these questions will just remain questions. I’ll get to work and attempt to master the project eventually; whether or not I succeed is a different story. Answering the questions is probably not all that necessary, yet they get asked time and again. Funny thing, that.

A side note: On Wednesday, my mom told me she was going to dye her hair, as she always does, because the white strands had been popping up. And I just thought to myself, One day, she’s going to stop dyeing her hair. But until that day, keep fighting, mom!

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1.0

This will be a really short blog entry. At least, I hope it will be.

Yesterday at about 3p.m., I concluded work on the first draft of my current project, Singapura. I made a printable copy thereafter, though I haven’t got to printing and binding yet.

So that concludes about six or seven months’ worth of writing.

Now I just want to take a good long break and enjoy what’s left of the holidays. I have some movies to watch, some games to play, some people to meet, and some books to read.

Of course it won’t be all play, because there are a few things I have to take care of. I need to follow up on this and that, start making preparations for the school term, complete some chores, and so on.

And of course there’ll come the time when I ask what I’ve actually managed to accomplished, having written all of this. I don’t actually know and I don’t want to think about that right now. But we’ll get to it.

And of course, I’ll print. And edit. And print. And edit again. And so on.

But for now, it’s time for a break.

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年年有余

新年好

Well, no, I’m not going to write in Chinese, but the Chinese New Year approaches. Many happy wishes and blessings to come in the Year of the Bovine. Enjoy the holiday break too!

诚实的工程师

I nearly lost a book yesterday. I left it in the canteen while rushing off to meet a friend. I realised it a little too late and went back only to find the canteen crowded and it really wasn’t where it was before already. After frantically checking every single place I had gone to after that to no avail. It all left me a little sad, because the book (The Singularity Of Literature) cost me quite a bit and there was a bookmark that I had brought back all the way from Japan.

Late in the afternoon, I saw Matthew, who had had a late lunch. I made no mention of the book because I had by then accepted that it was lost to me forever.

Then the other friends started popping up asking if I had found the book, and Matthew asked, What book, what book. And we explained and he said, is it… this blue book called the… something of Literature? I saw it during my late lunch!

And after some scurrying about, it was back in my hands. It had shifted a few tables, so I can only assume that some folks had moved it. That said, I guess we have some really honest Engineers-To-Be, though I think part of it could simply be down to how none of them were likely to be interested in an academic Literature text.

Thanks a bunch to Matthew too, who somehow joined the lovely coincidence.

意想不到

My plotting plans are going in a completely unexpected direction, and I think I’ve really accepted that Singapura isn’t going to be my next project. I’d love to tell you more about what I’m intending to do next, but the truth is, I’m not too sure myself, so I’ll say more when I’ve worked it out.

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Idea Remix

Idea Remix

Sometimes you get up feeling completely lousy. Sometimes you get up thinking you’re being chased down by a bear. And sometimes you get up and all your best ideas don’t seem very good at all. On Saturday, I woke up thinking that everything I’ve thought of for Singapura is actually trash. On Sunday, I woke up thinking that it’s not all so bad.

Things just happen that way. The one conclusion I can safely draw from this is that Singapura is still far too young and I’m not at all ready to try my hand at writing it. The nice thing though is that I think I’ll eventually have two projects to plunge myself into once I sort it all out. One of them is Singapura, of course, and the other is something a bit more unusual, though I’d like to mess around with it to tell what it actually is first.

That one other thing seems like a pretty tasty idea and I’m going to see if it works out over the next few days. It’s a good note to start the week on, if nothing else.

At the same time, I better start making inquiries on making submissions.

A Few Links

The Tournament of Books is going to begin in a couple of months. [via The Morning News] The book I was rooting for last year suffered an early demise, and I can only hope the same doesn’t happen this year.

I saw this very amusing form of the Monster Manual dressed up like a children’s book here. [via io9] It’s a book called Monster Isle by Jeff Miracola. Actual link. [via Monster Isle] I think I’m going to try to find it at a local bookstore.

You can get a free download of The Rake’s Song from the Decemberists upcoming album The Hazards Of Love if you just follow this link. [via The Decemberists] It is a very traditional folktale weaved into a decidedly folk arrangement. Very nice stuff. Not for the kids.

On Saturday, I came across Nikki Farquharson’s site Random Got Beautiful, which is a sort of image mashup based on colours. [via Random Got Beautiful] I thought it was a great site, and so thus the link.

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Holiday Review

Last weekend of the holidays, so it’s probably a good time to see what I’d accomplished and what I’d failed to do.

Success

• New draft for The River. I think it’s just about the final draft, so I’m looking to make submissions soon. Relatively happy with it.
• Some plot for Singapura. As is the case with all projects, the first ideas are not the best. That said, it seems to be slowly moving into shape. I’ve no doubt the final product will scarcely resemble the initial concept, but things look optimistic at least.
• Finished my self-assigned readings. Well, actually, I haven’t yet. I was supposed to read the Everyman’s edition of the Flann O’ Brien novels (of which I really liked a couple and didn’t quite like the others as much) and The Absolute Sandman. I’m down to the last section of The Absolute Sandman so things look on schedule, if nothing else.
• Wrote. I wrote one piece of short fiction called Abide With Me. It’s supposed to be edited, but I kind of haven’t got to that. Still, it was nice just to write something completely not related to The River.
• Finished Doctor Who Series 3. It was a nice series. I particularly liked the Family of Blood storyline and Blink. Some parts of the series felt a bit generic, though.

Failure

• Didn’t go on photo outings. I wanted to go take photos, really. Somewhere. Some place. There was just no one, however, and that dampens the mood a bit, so I didn’t go anywhere. I took a few of Christmas lights, though that was it.
• Didn’t draft query. Oh, you. I knew it would be difficult to write you. I knew you would laugh at me when I had no letter to show at the end of the holidays. But mark my words, query, I’ll have the last laugh.
• Plot Singapura? I was initially thinking that I would emerge with a clear idea of where I wanted it to go and how I wanted it to look, but my imagination likes to throw me curveballs so I’m always left with more or less completely new perspectives on the plot. In other words, while I made progress with the plot, I can’t say that I managed what I was expecting.
• Catch up on Doctor Who. I hope they’re showing Series 4.

In The Foreseeable Future…

Here’s what I can see myself doing in the near future (say… this semester):

• Editing. Proofing of The River and editing of Abide With Me.
• That darned thing. The query. I’m looking to find out more of the local book industry, so I’ll get to that as well.
• Minimal writing. I don’t want to write much during the term, but I’ll still try to put to paper two (I think) short pieces. I might also explore a different form. Likely some kind of theatre thing. Though that’s just a self-study thingee.
• Singapura. My main creative output during this period will be to figure out exactly what I want with Singapura, just like with The River last year.
• Reading. Time to kick off the reading for 2009. Many books waiting for me.
• One trip. Somewhere. Anywhere. Preferably not alone. With our cameras. Snapping away.
• The Road. The movie’s coming, right? I hope it doesn’t disappoint.
• The usual shopping. Birthday presents and books, mostly. Oh and the Decemberists album Hazards of Love. I also need to find a nice guide for Ulysses for when the long summer break starts. Of birthday gifts, I only have one to prepare in the near future, though I could be prepared for the Aprils and Mays and Julys.
• Study. Oh what a surprise.

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Losing A Friend + Aliens

What Happened?

The Christmas week came and went with a flurry of activity. I did almost no writing, a lot of shopping, and there were a couple of other things.

Of writing, I was stuck for a long time trying to dream up some short story. I had a few half-ideas but I abandoned all of them. I settled on something on Saturday night, and wrote bits and pieces yesterday. It’s a few hundred words now and I suppose it’s going to be a few thousand eventually. It’s just nice to write something original and unrelated to all the stuff I’ve been doing.

I’m not sure what I’ll do with it. I think it’ll be clearer by the time I finish it. I’ll probably put it up here. Or I might submit it to some school publications. (The idea is that it isn’t work and so shouldn’t come affixed with things like money and stress.) We’ll see. It’s a fable. Of a fashion. My sort of fable, I suppose, isn’t an unfair description.

I also started on writing out a plot summary for Singapura, which is something I’m sure I’ve mentioned before here. It’s looking okay, but I expect to be done with it only in three or four months. I want to get the whole idea down properly first. Given the nature of the project, I think this is the only way through.

And as for The River‘s query letter… It’s kind of stuck.

But other than that query letter, this is all good news.

Shopping has bought me a new shirt which is sitting on a boat captained (I imagine) by a talking rat and lost somewhere out in the choppy sea. I have faith in talking rats, so I’m sure it’ll arrive. Among other purchases, I got myself a calendar. 2009 is the year of Henri Cartier-Bresson, it seems.

I will be going down to the bookstore once more tomorrow to find something, but other than that, I’m trying to avoid spending until the next school term.

And a couple of other things, yes.

I’ve had my room painted, which involved a lot of shifting and huffing and puffing. It’s all done now, except for some of the moving, but that’ll probably be taken care of tomorrow.

And one very last thing: I lost a friend last week. Nothing bad happened, so there’s nothing to worry or feel sad about. It’s just that some recent events got me rather frustrated with things, and along the week they also made me realise that there were things that were wrong in the friendship. It disgusted me to some degree, and I thought to either sort it out or to end it.

I chose to end it.

Someone asked me along the week how I did it. (He was quite surprised that it was even possible.) I said that I just told her, I’m sorry, I don’t think I can be your friend anymore. Best of luck. Which is really what I did, albeit a condensed version of it. It’s left her bewildered but not as distressed as she could be, if she is at all. (After all, things didn’t go sour or anything, and it must have all been rather strange and sudden.) And I’ve managed to step away from it too.

Why did I choose this? I imagine I just didn’t want the potentially tortuous path out. Given the nature of the problem (which I won’t speak of; so you’ll just have to use your imagination), I didn’t think it would be possible to sort it out anyway, so to speak, because I’m sure there doesn’t seem to be a problem to her and it’s just my insanity streak acting up. I’m sure if she thought otherwise, she would have pursued some form of resolution, which hasn’t yet happened.

Or, of course, maybe I’m just a coward.

A nice thing though is that through this I found a friend to depend on. And I don’t care if your heart is made of stone–that’s a nice thing to find.

As for the one I lost, a letter she sent me sits at a corner of my bookshelf, like a reminder of what I lost and what I hope one day to repair. It stings a little. A friendship of a few years isn’t just going to go away like a dream. I suppose it’s something I’ll come back to, when I’m ready. Or maybe not. I don’t know.

For now though, I guess all I can do, as that old song goes, is to follow the sun.

And A Few Other Things…

A very nice essay on 2666 by Francisco Goldman. [via The Elegant Variation]

Trailer for Shane Acker’s 9, produced by Tim Burton and Timur Bekmanbetov. [via Apple Quicktime Trailers] It looks amazing.

John Hodgman on close encounters of the third kind and love. [via TED]

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Powerless Monday Blues

Nope

No electrical power today, so I guess I’ll be heading out. They’re changing the meters for the entire block, so they’re shutting down the power during office hours. I suppose this means I’ll have to do something other than staring blankly at a computer screen.

Synopses

I was right about Singapura in that that was a false start, so I’ve stopped writing. In the meantime, I’ve started to draft a plot document that I think might prove useful. The good news is that some plot details are starting to fit in, and also that there’s no hurry, since I’ve got about two-and-a-half years before my first draft, according to my self-imposed deadlines.

Meanwhile, I’ve tried my hand at the query letter so many times that I think I’ll just step back and leave it alone for a few days. I’ll probably resume after Christmas.

Lonely Days

And in these days, a canny, persistent sense of solitude dogs my senses. It seems that as Christmas draws near, I’m feeling worse and worse. I think part of it comes with being a little unsettled right now. So many things I should be doing but I don’t know how to. (My query letter screams in anguish at this point.) So many people I want to meet but probably never will ever again. (And this hurts.) So many events that I can only wait for even if I don’t want to. (Like my results.)

Just another Monday, I guess.

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Hit The Pause Button

Paused

I’ve decided to take a break from the writing until after the exams are over. I’ll almost certainly be starting on the edits for The River during December, so that’ll take precedence, so this probably means I won’t be doing Singapura for quite a while.

Exam Schedule

Here’s what my timetable looks like:

On Monday, I have Chinese Music.
On Thursday, I have Singapore History.
On the next Monday, I have Biofluids.
On the Tuesday after that, I have Biochemistry.
And my last paper is on Wednesday, with Organic Chemistry.

GMail Themes

There are now themes for Gmail. [via Official GMail Blog] How very colourful.

John Barth Interview

I also found this interview over at Barnes & Noble with John Barth interesting. [via Barnes & Noble]

Well, it goes through several filters. My wife, bless her, who is my first reader and best critic, is very sharp-eyed — not only catching typos, but also applying her wonderfully retentive memory so that she can say, in effect, “Look, you played this card on page 4 and you forgot to pick it up on page 137.” Or as Chekhov said, “If you hang a rifle on the wall in Act I, you have to fire it in Act III.” You needn’t shoot out all the lampshades in the room — just fire the damn thing.

Ah, so it appears I’m missing a wife!

Book Arrangements

Finally, there’s also this intriguing article about arranging books in one’s personal library. [via The Online Photographer] I suppose that’s something I’ll have to worry about in the near future.

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Study, Study, Study (And Study)

Not Yet

It hasn’t quite hit me that the exams are right at the doorstep. Maybe there is a bit of confidence going into a couple of the papers, which has me taking the foot off the pedal a bit so as not to send myself crashing and burning. I’m sure that by the time next week hits the sense of oh-no-it’s-here will be a bit greater, and I’m also sure that by the end of next week, I’ll be suffering from a stiff left shoulder (I lean on my left when studying on my bed) and a horrendous amount of examination fatigue.

Until then, all looks peaceful. Maybe a bit too peaceful, but I’ll take all the peace I can get.

My papers are on the 24th, 27th, 1st, 2nd, and 3rd. Postings will probably be affected, but we’ll see what happens.

Inspiration, Desperation

While all this is going on, I’ve been writing tiny bits every day. Mostly it’s been the new project Singapura, which as you already know I’m taking my time with. It’s gone at about a hundred words or so per day ever since when I first said I had started, which I believe was Saturday. (See? That’s why I need a reminder post.) Of course, I haven’t had much time to actually sit down for hours to work at it, so I think a hundred words or so is in fact an extremely positive outcome. And it doesn’t look bad. Not horrible, at least.

In the meantime, there are just some days you think of the old projects (i.e. The River) and you just feel that most of it is trash. Yesterday was such a day. I’m sure the attitude will be different by the time the exams are over and I get back to editing, but it sure looks terrible and amateurish right now. ):

All right, back to work…

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15th November 2008

That’s the date yesterday, and really, the only reason I’m putting it up here is that yesterday I began writing Singapura officially. Or semi-officially.

There’s a gigantic chance that it’s just a false start. In fact, I’m predicting that a couple months down the road, this will be recognised as a false start. But just in case, I’m putting a note here to remind myself of the date.

I really just have all of 300 words now. I haven’t added anything from the fragments I wrote before this (which are probably a few thousand words in length), and probably won’t do so for a while. Another thing is I’m starting from the middle, because I figured that this is structurally quite different from The River and writing in this way won’t hurt.

Interestingly, there’s no driving pressure to complete this urgently (as in The River). In fact, I have my deadline for a presentable draft in three years, so I’m quite sure I can take my time. I just want to go at a really relaxed pace this time and see how it pans out.

In summary, though, just don’t take this too seriously. I’m pretty sure it’s a false start. But just in case.

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