Journal

Unavoidable questions.

I’m beginning to realise (well, okay, maybe not beginning) that every time I finish some project, I end up asking the same few questions. Sure, they’ve evolved a bit, transformed a bit, but I’ve still been asking myself the same things in essence each time.

• Is it any good?

Probably the most obvious question anyone can ask. The trick here is that it isn’t usually accompanied by the most obvious answer. It’s certainly tends to be less good than you would want it to be, but how far is it from that standard that you hold for yourself? More importantly, perhaps, how do you measure stuff like this?

• Did I accomplish what I wanted to accomplish?

This time, I’m not very sure, primarily because this project hasn’t been as straightforward as I thought it would be. This is probably the most immediate question whenever I get done with anything, and in this case, it can only be answered when I take a second look at it.

• What exactly did I accomplish anyway?

Assuming, of course, that I accomplished anything in the first place. The icky bit about this question is that I don’t like to deal so much with the grand ambition of this or that, but rather the act of writing itself. You shouldn’t let your designs control you, in a way. So it’s not exactly phrased very well. I think a better question would be what I’ve managed to say with what I’ve written.

That applies for the previous question too. Have I said what I wanted to say?

• Is it frivolous?

This question has been popping up with increasing frequency. There is a narrow margin of difference between the absurd and the frivolous. I have not managed this line very well.

• Who would want to read this?

Often, I have no idea. I’m not sure if it actually matters to answer this.

• Why isn’t it the same as what I saw in my head?

Oh. It’s usually easy to answer this. The main reason, I think, is that ideas and images occur to you in a flash (in a manner of speaking), whereas writing takes ages in comparison. There’s also the small problem that I don’t write as well as my imagination would want me to. And so on.

• What’s the difference?

That is, did it change for an appreciably justified reason? Or did it just change because I didn’t manage to live up to the promise?

In the end, most of these questions will just remain questions. I’ll get to work and attempt to master the project eventually; whether or not I succeed is a different story. Answering the questions is probably not all that necessary, yet they get asked time and again. Funny thing, that.

A side note: On Wednesday, my mom told me she was going to dye her hair, as she always does, because the white strands had been popping up. And I just thought to myself, One day, she’s going to stop dyeing her hair. But until that day, keep fighting, mom!

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© 2010 a modest odyssey.